Might not Hopefully

If I had Visual Reflux set up a little differently, I’d really easily be able to go back and look to see the last time I was getting my daily posts done. It’s been a while. Longer than when I was sick and I’ve been sick a week; out of commission two and a half days, maybe two and three quarters days. The day I slammed Hiball to try to stay conscious was a bad one, even if I was technically functioning.

But falling off the daily wagon didn’t start with the sick. I feel like it was that big MCU post, which got a whopping seven hits. I’m not sure how many it would’ve gotten over at Stop Button but definitely more than seven. Though maybe not. For all the energy I put into the “Sum Up” posts at Stop Button, only the John Carpenter and Eleanor Parker ones were ever popular as far as hits. Might be why I lost interest in doing them and instead just call anything long form a “Sum Up” now. Like the microcast I meant to do daily and haven’t done since… Tuesday? I tried today but kept getting distracted.

I’m preoccupied. Like, big time. And I’ve been avoiding acknowledging it, even though it’s been “around” for a while now. It was a predicted preoccupation so I thought I’d compartmentalized enough to get around it but no. There’s only so much one can do to prepare for anything. And this one hit me.

I’m hoping this bit of acknowledgement will help me get things back in gear. Maybe start small, like a post a day for a week. Shouldn’t be too hard since I’ve got five more issues of Punisher to write about and the Visual Reflux podcast. It’ll also help not being dreadfully ill.

The big hope, as the week starts tomorrow, is keeping the depression in check. Preoccupation stress and anxiety leads pretty quick to a depression spiral for me. Always has. I’m old now so I’ve got all sorts of tools, both recommended ones and the tricks I’ve learned about myself over the years; just need to remember to use them. I’ve got a really weird project I’m going to do this week, but it might actually prove rewarding. Might. But not hopefully.

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