Why I called it the stop button

I’ve had “Swamp Thing” on my to do list for four days. I keep having to bounce it because I haven’t had time to watch it. But today at lunch? Had just the right amount of time. And as I sat, watching the first episode, pausing to tweet about the location (why isn’t it Houma) or Crystal Reed’s lack of shock white hair even though the setup was there for it… I started to think I might not be giving the show the proper attention. Because I was sober. Certainly shows (like “Arrow”) are only tolerable even to peeve watch when inebriated. Is “Swamp Thing” one of those shows? Maybe. I won’t know until next year because I’m not drinking this year. The sugar.

But waiting seven months, I almost might know not to bother with “Swamp Thing.” It getting a shortened season order (for a streaming show!) isn’t a good sign and what I did see wasn’t particularly impressive. I mean, despite really weak dialogue, Reed seems like a decent lead. Henderson Wade seems awful, like he lacks the ability to show affect. I didn’t make it to Virginia Madsen or Will Patton. As far as Alec Hollands go, Andy Bean seems… on par with “uncredited Alec Holland sex scene double” from Return of Swamp Thing. He’s never going to touch Ray Wise’s Alec Holland, because the Hollands were awesome in Swamp Thing I.

Oh, and Leonardo Nam from “Westworld.” Glad he’s getting work, sorry it’s on this show.

Yes, I went into “Swamp Thing” hyper-critical but because it’s “Swamp Thing.” It’s based on the finest mainstream comic. Ever. You don’t get to fuck up “Swamp Thing.” Especially not so bad it makes the Man-Thing movie look legit.

And “The New Adventures of Swamp Thing” sure does seem like screws up.

Maybe I’ll go back and watch the season when it’s done (if it gets picked up for a season two or someone strongly recommends it). And I can drink. A lot.

Or if someone pays me. If anyone wants to pay me to watch “Swamp Thing” and write about the stupid thing, let me know.

But to watch it sober? Nah. And I’ve seen Man-Thing twice. Intentionally.

(This posted was written while listening to Harry Manfredini’s awesome score for Swamp Thing).

Swamp Thing needs heart. It’s always needed heart. No surprise Len Wiseman, who directs the pilot, botches it so badly. It’s Len Wiseman, after all. Botching franchises is his thing. And James Wan. Don’t even get me started on Aquaman overhype. (I think we talk about it on a podcast though).

Anyway:

“Swamp Thing.” Nope. Not sober.

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